On Forgiving
and grief and the idea of "getting over it"
“Just get over it dude”
There is no timeframe, no certain number of years after which it is embarrassing, and ‘I should be over this’ – stop that thinking in its tracks. I have always struggled with vulnerability, so this advice may not really apply to a lot of you, but forgiveness is the most important skill I think you can learn in life. Forgiveness of yourself, for what you have done, for what you have experienced, for what you have thought, for what has weighed on it – why live with all that shame and guilt and weight? Forgive yourself.
I am done with feeling guilty about the fact that my grief is still very central for me today.
That is not to say I think grief should be the only thing in your life forever and ever, but I hate the sentiment of ‘getting over’ something. Everything builds up within your life, your heartbreaks and your joys, all of it! I have never once ‘got over’ something. It has become less painful as time has gone on, yes. I have thought about it and changed my attitude or actions, sure. But I don’t ‘get over’ things. Like life is something to be climbed and not cherished. I will forever think about and love the post about being a mosaic of all the people you have loved and known. It is not just that: you are a mosaic of everything! Your experiences, your scars, why ‘get over’ these things? If someone presented me with a tree of shame to climb I would rather hug it instead.
Unfortunately (and possibly throughout this whole thing) I am about to sound like a motivational speaker but really, truly, we only have one go at this. Why wait? This body is the only one I will have. If I dont love it, if I don’t forgive it, what am I doing?
So with time or without it, forgive yourself. Know there is no one true way of dealing with grief and it may be painful decades after it happens. Eventually, though I am trying not to make this morbid, you and the people you have lost’s clocks will sync up with each other. Just like {REDACTED} and {REDACTED} and so many before and after them. What I hope, for you and I both, will not take endless amounts of time, is learning to forgive the things we think about with guilt and live life without it. I can’t imagine feeling so weightless. But I am confident that I will get there as I have forgiven myself about things before, and I can forgive myself this. I love y’all. Happy March.
The story behind this log:
I was sitting on a bench by a school yesterday waiting to pick up some kids I had to babysit yesterday. And this old lady was sitting on the other side and I got to chatting with her, she just started asking questions. And like any stranger I meet apparently; I didn’t hesitate once before telling her my whole life story. I went on and on about this and that and this. Poor her.