On Limelight

Being an introvert with social anxiety on steroids I never really wanted any kind of fame that came with the things I did and throughout my life, I have tried to keep out of it.

Turns out I am just not the guy who can manage “fame” which nobody tells you that it often involves keeping up with 39 unread inquiries/DM’s on socials, 61 unread emails in the dreaded inbox, and juggling 3 projects simultaneously, and having a life, and sifting through your unresolved self-esteem issues, and washing the 16 weeks of cups and dishes at the same time.  That, I have learnt through some painful experimentation, is when I start looking for my cyanide capsule.

And to avoid this I have done pretty wild things like unoptimizing my Linkedin, limiting the portfolio pieces I put on my site, disabling my SEO and even changing my domain because somehow my site once blew up and I just didn’t like all that attention and the things that accompanied it.

Even while I was in high school I largely hid all the things I did or “cool projects” I worked on from my classmates, teachers and most friends (if I had any to begin with), and up to a point even my parent to just try and keep things as quiet as possible.

Now maybe some of it was because as a kid I just was afraid what if “they” found out, they’d tell me to shut it down and focus more on my academics rather than this programming mumbo jumbo I did or at the very least boil me like a rabbit on the stove (I know a tad dramatic, but I tbh I was quite hyperperceptive as a kid at that time and the world did appear to me that way)

But mostly because the more invisible I was, the happier I was, and since most of my profesh work-life involved working and interacting with people halfway across the world through my chunky grey dell with calvin-hobbs sticker I could get away with it. And when school ended since I had already been operating in stealth for some time without making anything "public" and I just simply continued to operate that way from then on.

Now operating in stealth and having a lower profile than your illegal adderall dealer does have some cons like not being able to supercharge your site or company’s growth potential or line up your bank account but what it allows you to focus on the only thing that matters to your growth:   hummus  creating and putting out great stuff and getting better at your art.

Operating in stealth allows you not to get addicted to that sweet sweet hummus validation and attention you get from sharing, and lets you focus on the thing that got you there in the first place (of course it's the hummus).

Now imagine what if you actually were a Harvard dropout who got famous for selling hummus on the internet. Imagine how you didn’t just have that small-time website and you actually used google analytics. Imagine.

Now imagine how you would never be able to do anything in public in peace. Imagine how every single move you make would be questioned. Imagine how your words will be twisted to fit an agenda by your hummus sponsors. Imagine how you’d never be able to be yourself. Imagine how you’ll be silently hated by your children and siblings for making them suffer the feeling of pressure of being forced to match your success from creating a billion-dollar hummus brand.

When you’re a nobody, nobody expects you to do anything or do anything special. Therefore, you can regularly surpass expectations.

It’s no fun having the weight of the world on your shoulders. Life is so much better when you can surprise on the upside and be judged based only on what you do.

Are you contemplating these things?

Have I successfully managed to plant the IUD for fame in you too?

Now you could operate in stealth to avoid that

or

You could consider hiring a therapist to sort out your perfectionistic mindset issues which prevents you from presenting yourself as anything less than perfect in the limelight and your fear of vulnerability of all your flaws being visible in the light of the limelight for all to see and judge, or the fact that how your fear of limelight can be easily interpreted and deduced as a fear of being a letdown.

You could do that...

or

Hide in "stealth"

or

Sign up for more lemons and unclear life lessons like these (mistake!)

Fin