So recently my therapist had asked me to make a list of little things in my life that I appreciate and look forward to. Cause apparently she said something on the lines of just bc you have a cow you can't forget about the chickens... So ow well, however cringy making one might be, here it is:

1. The smell from a freshly opened can of playdoh. It always feels like the first time you opened it
2. Watching a birdie bath. It’s so cute.
3. The smell of rain
4. Hearing someone snort when they laugh
5. When someone sends a song to listen to bc they know you'll like it
6. Banana jokes (somehow just never seem to get bored of them)
7. Hearing someone sing when they think no one is listening
8. Seeing old couples in love and holding hands on the streets
9. Blowing a harmonica. It’s just pure joy
10. The end of the school year feeling
11. When all of the popcorn pops
12. Staring at the skylines. I can literally sit still and stare at them for hours. It’s a weird obsession that I have. Although I’ve never managed to understand why I am so fascinated by them.
13. Watching squirrels. Those frisky lil’ furballs are so full of energy.
14. Watching those silly manic pixie dream girl rom-com even though I hate them “philosophically”
15. Sunsets and sunrise
16. Watching my dog sleep.
17. Some serotonin. (Also some dopamine)
18. The way the sun can warm you up on a chilly day. I’m a slut for sunlight it’s my body’s kink.
19. Back when I had had a tough day at work, in the night I’d put my jumpers & shorts on, blasting the AC to chill, grabbing a cup of left over the oreo ice cream from the friggy, and binging a couple of episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S whenever it’s been a rough day.
20. Singing in the shower to an imaginary audience of thousands.
21. Goosebumps as a cold breeze hits the back of my neck.
22. Whenever you fart in a conversation and the other person doesn’t notice it.
23. The company of my mind. Seriously, it’s the funniest place in the world.
24. Hugs.
25. Sunlight peeking through the trees on a foggy morning.
26. Putting hotel toiletries in my bag with an evil smile on my face.
27. Playing some Chopin on a cloudy evening and staring out of the window with a cup of warm choco milk.
28. Finishing a novel.
29. Listening to Ed Sheeran’s old stuff, the bittersweet feeling you get from those songs.
30. Receiving a compliment.
31. Re-reading and re-watching Harry Potter or the LOTRs triology for the 100th time.

Yeah, that’s about what I can come up with now. Will soon add more as they come to mind…

The point is you can't forget about the chickens!!! Get it ?! It's good to have... you got to have little things. To get you through life that's what I think. To be conscious about all the little things in life that are beautiful, that make you smile, that make every day a little, or a lot, better.

Reflections on January

Honestly... every single fucking time? This month man, what do I even say. You listen to “if we make it through December” on repeat only to end up in fucking January. The amount of shit that happened this month:

• Upcoming product launch, working my ass off, returning from the library at 8 in the morning and having breakfast.
• Come the launch day, and well all the pressure finally got to me... just broke down and called mom sobbing... so yeah that happened after quite a few years.
• In the end couldn’t make it to the deadline. Handling a (rightfully) pissed af boss’s rant. Taking accountability for it and having to explain to an angry/disappointed mob of 5000 who were up late into the night wating for the launch as to why there’d be a 48hr delay.
• Grinding your ass for the next 48hrs with 4/5hrs of sleep to eventually make it, but with what ends up being quite a rushed product with quite a few bugs. Boss pissed af even more threatening to go full legal on call while you realise... oh your anxiety attacks are back.
• Having to spend the next few weeks of your next fresh semester fixing bugs, missing classes, laying on the bed, searching for symptoms of depression, losing quite some money, consulting a lawyer, 2nd breakdown with boss, avoiding people and your therapy sessions and experimenting with sleeping pills and to stupidly experiment with some self-medication which you knew you shouldn’t touch.
• Then to top it all off one fine day when you decide to take some time off and relax a little, and go for some drinks and then ending up doing something even much more stupider while drunk, ending up in even more conflict, losing people and friends, and having chinese whispers going about you going around behind your back as you discover that if you're on liquid food, you can't expect the shit to be solid.

Well, I knew it gets worse before it got better but just didn’t really expect it to get that worse tho. But... well that’s life, shit happens, you just keep going on, just keep going on, no matter what.

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Will be writing again soon... meanwhile here's a song to listen to in the meantime (that basically got me through this period).

Fin.