On Some Frustrations
Some drunk rants sitting on top of a rock while eating a snickers.
I don't know how I am spending these days. 4 weeks just flew and I still am calibrating my sense of existence. I want to witness autumn happening. I want to visit different places in the city I live in. I want to work on some projects with certain people I had planned. I want to see. I want to build. I want to feel. I want to encounter; be a part of. Yet, I find myself eating bread in bed and trying to work on somethings that don’t translate into the vision I’ve had for myself when I started. Forever waiting for inspiration to strike, while ignoring all chances that can fuel it.
I also have this new habit of keeping notes of past ideas and working with them in the present, which feels, is a form of time travel but also means ignoring the real present moment and the themes of the NOW. I am keeping them quiet so that I can work on what the past self was obsessed with. But perhaps I need to be faster in responding to the themes of my mind so that I am in sync with time. Can it ever be possible? Cause in the past I used to take information or inspiration in and almost immediately have the urge to build it and share it with the world. a certain I NEED TO DO THIS kind of vibe which also gave me big frustration because what am I to do with all this inspiration now? But then it made me work on so many things. I think in the past few months I have been loosing that drive, I kind of miss that “I NEED TO DO THIS” frustration. But it’s been slowly coming back, I can feel it, cause I did take some huge steps in the past month bc of this “frustration” but I still feel they’re not enough. I need to do better. I need to push myself more. I need to be more frustrated with who/where I am.
The voice memo: