On The Perfect Man

So I was recently talking to my cousin and getting some dating advice. She’s my go to person when I need advice on that kind of stuff. We were just talking about what according to her constitutes a “perfect man checklist” that ideally all guys should have.

She had some points. She had a lot of points actually. I took some notes as she went on:

• appreciates cats
• "appears to" listen when she speaks
• understands his privilege and complex power dynamics
• the only man in the party who doesn’t talk about sports at the start of every conversation—completely oblivious to who might be left out of the conversation.
• actually asks a question about her
• has a nice haircut
• talks openly about going to therapy
• MUST be able to chop a plank of wood with his hands like Kung Fu Panda
• eats his loose-fitting cardigan before saying, “Andrew Tate has some pretty interesting points…”
• validates your feelings or puts on a Fiona Apple or a Lana Del Rey album from time to time
• gandalf; “I’m not gonna explain that one Kay so stfu”
• has a top sheet and more than one pillow (plausibly acquired on his own)
• has a duvet, a duvet cover and a bedding item made from linen instead of saying “What’s wrong with the sheets I’ve had since college?” or “Why do we need pillowcases anyway?”
• Dresses well; “I can't do a dude who wears sweatpants everyday”
• has 10 otters
• evidence of owning a moisturiser in the bathroom and if he’s one of the 14 percent of men using a daily sunscreen, maybe it’s one of his ex’s. Thank them.
• ok now his bookshelf: Cormac McCarthy? Jeffrey Archer? Murakami? Those are probably him. Anything written by a woman? Literally any woman at all. I mean it doesn’t even have to be Virginia Woolf. If you find one, it’s probably a gift from one of the gals, and it’s probably Pride and Prejudice but the give the guy some credit if the spines cracked
• doesn't like Salt and Vinegar chips, so he'll never be in danger of swiping them from me
• doesn’t need to be be Henry Cavill but is a lil Henry Cavill well maybe not that much but is at least taller than me? and maybe a bit fit and goes to gym. Wait... is Henry Cavill still single?
• In the unlikely event of a zombie apocalypse, maybe be the type of man who could bring people together and coordinate efforts to keep everyone alive and human. That’d be nice.
• (<is just browsing Henry Cavill photos on her phone atp> Ahh henry cavils so classy. When he talks, when he moves.. when he just exists. GOD! why can’t I get a Henry Cavill? When god when!!!)
• is not a psychopathic flesh eating serial killer. hopefully.
• (<on her phone again> wait is that who Henry Cavill is dating? Ah he can do so much better I swear!)
• I mean, yeah in short be Henry Cavill.
• Henry Cavill is Daddy.

Hope you guys out there took some pointers and learnt a thing or two. I know I definitely did. That there is no point in being a male while Henry Cavill exists. I mean... I’m not gay... but he is one fine ass dude ngl.

I think I might as well just start watching The Witcher atp.

Fin.

P.S- Just fyi she has terrible taste in men that she does end up dating so yeah... I think I’ll start reading The Witcher series and then maybe watch the Netflix show.

Happy holidays.