On Post 101
thoughts on ending the blog
So recently I had a talk with someone by the end of which I was fully convinced that my relationship with this blog was v.unhealthy and that I should finally end it (all my ex's have a problem w/my blog it seems) after running it for 4 yrs with the prev 100th post, too good of a number for an ending. I was sold. So I made the mysterious last post on disappearing and was like... imma come back to maybe after 4 yrs or smth.
But it’s so hard for me physically to not write. Like I have all these thoughts I wanna share but nowhere to put them down. Even just the thought of not having to write was making me physically depressed. Oh man, I didn’t know I was this attached to my blog..
last night I was talking with my friend who’s an eng major, and was like “why’d you stop posting lately?”. I was telling her about it and she sent me this questionnaire that they shared in her classes once and told me to go through it once:
As I was just going through, filling out the questionnare. I couldn’t seem to finish it. I kept coming back with more things to say, more ideas on what to write, more reasons, there’s always reasons... what was the reasoning behind me stopping this again? I can’t recall.
I feel there is like a conscious effort even if you don’t want to, you end up reading and I end up writing. Almost like a check-in. More with myself than it is with others. But it’s a consistent thing where i’m like okay “how do I feel about this?” , “okay this is was my new perspective but this was my old perspective, am I keeping this?”... and I find this has helped me form my opinions on things and stay true to them or in some cases discard them. Cause a lot of things I’m going thu and uh I wouldn’t take those thoughts seriously. but now I'm starting to take thoughts seriously and trying to figure out the most rational approach to making my life something that I enjoy living... I want this blog to not be my identity, but more of documentation of my ever-evolving identity.
So yeah whatever,
I’m bacK.
ps - Also I was looking at the analytics and it's absolutely mind boggling to me how many users tune in to read the silly stuff I write. Like fuck idek 541 people from 58 fucking countries?! Bruh I can at max name 10-15 countries if you put me in the spot. But yeah man, a year ago these numbers would have seemed crazy to me but now seeing it, it's even more crazy. So yeah thanks to every one of you who chime into read about my stupidity. I'm truly grateful for every single of of you.
Amen.
101